The “Trump Is a Master Negotiator” Myth Should Die, Be Encased in Cement, and Sunk to the Bottom of the Ocean
Look where this Ukraine thing ended up
The news cycle is so fast these days that you probably missed the end result of Trump’s attempt to extort Ukraine. As I write this, I can’t find it on the homepage of the New York Times. Though, strangely, I can find this:
What the fuck is that, New York Times? I know things can’t be all Trump all the time — I don’t want them to be — but how did this story get priority? Who stood up at a pitch meeting, and — after pitches about Ebola and mass firings and a burgeoning constitutional crisis — said “You ever wonder where rugs come from?” And I can only imagine the buzz around the newsroom when you unearthed the bombshell that they come from a guy named Steve. Whoaaaa…STEVE?!?!?! Not DAVE or BILL??? Do we even need not hold the Pulitzer ceremony this year — I think the competition’s over! What scandal will the New York Times blow the lid off of next? Who makes dental floss? Where gravel comes from? Kudos, New York Times — consider my subscription renewed.
But there is, apparently, a “very big deal” (in Trump’s words) between the US and Ukraine; Zelensky will reportedly sign it at the White House today. You may recall that Trump was trying to basically force Ukraine to buy stuff from the US at a 100 percent markup, using tactics straight out of The Godfather: The Wall Street Journal reported that Trump’s envoy shoved a document in Zelensky’s face and said “you really need to sign this,” adding that “people back in Washington” would be very upset if he didn’t. Zelensky didn’t sign, which caused Trump to verbally attack him so viciously that it made the Drake/Kendrick Lamar feud seem like two Mormon friends exchanging pleasantries. Most people saw Trump’s attack as a shameful inversion of American values, but Trump’s lackeys assured us that it was part of a hard-nosed negotiation strategy that would yield big results.
So: What’s in the very big deal? Whether you support shaking down the victims of a brutal invasion or not — and for the record, I do not — did we…succeed? CNN has seen the agreement, Kevin Drum has written a breakdown, and the Kyiv Independent published what they say is the agreement’s full text. Based on that reporting, here are the broad strokes: