Republicans Really Need a George Clooney
Or some other Batman-type figure who can sway Trump
Trump’s Liberation Day Zeppelin crash reminded me a lot of the month Biden spent on his Titanic of a campaign after the debate. In both cases, a man with a brain in less-than-mint condition steered towards disaster while people waved their arms and yelled “BAD THING AHEAD!!!” In both cases, the stubborn old man replied “humbug!” and forged onward, hoping that everything would somehow magically work out. And in both cases, the old man was eventually forced to accept reality, though only after inflicting a lot of damage that couldn’t be repaired.
In both cases, the old man’s flunkies publicly debased themselves by insisting that down was up. And it was an all-hands-on-deck flunky roll call on Wednesday when Trump finally stopped the carnage. “Once again, Trump was right about everything!” gushed Trump “crypto czar” David Sacks. “This was brilliantly executed by @realDonaldTrump. Textbook, Art of the Deal” tweeted hedge fund titan Bill Ackman. The strangest thing about these tweets is that both men are very rich; I thought the whole point of being rich was that you don’t have to kiss anyone’s ass. If I was rich, the first thing I’d buy — even before this dope $8,000 Spongebob Squarepants backpack — would be the freedom to double-middle-finger my way through life. What’s the point of “fuck you” money if when the opportunity to say “fuck you” comes up, you say “Another home run, boss! Can I get you a Sprite?”
Ackman and other rich Trump backers spent the week trying to politely nudge Trump onto a different path. It doesn’t seem that they succeeded; in the end, it was the bond market that finally smacked some sense into Trump. In Biden’s case, Schumer, Pelosi, and Jeffries had the “come to Jesus or Jesus will stop being Mr. Nice Guy” meeting that finally ended the carnage. But that only happened after most of the party had turned on Biden. The dynamic in these cases seems to be that people stand around saying “Someone needs to stop this madman,” but almost always add “but my kids are starting private school so that someone should be someone else. All hail the Dear Leader!”